Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
