Porn is love you can see.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
