I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
