Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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