you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
