I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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