Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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