I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
