Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize