Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
