Got a toothbrush?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
