wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
