I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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