i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize