i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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