i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Randomize
