Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
