Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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