Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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