he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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