Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
