so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
