Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
