And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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