who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
