My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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