The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
