I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
organizing the empties. That sober.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
