Me. At least after what I've been through.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
