have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
