Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
