I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
