Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
only if we run a train.
done.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
