she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
