That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Houston, we have a blender
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
