if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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