dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I smell stomach acid.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
