There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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