no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
