A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
