I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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