What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
two words...techno handjob
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
