Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want nice things and good sex
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
