problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize