so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
