i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
