you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
