My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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