guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
