I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
