Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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