Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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