Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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