i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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