i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
