We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
