We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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