also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
