So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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