I'm really into asian looking animals
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
