so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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