sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
