i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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