So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
