We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
