Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
