So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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