I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
These tits shall not be calmed
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