nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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