please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
