fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
