chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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