Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The feeling are messing with the penis
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
