I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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