i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize