I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
