i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Randomize
