He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just invented taco cereal.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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