sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
