Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
