Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
