Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
