do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize