I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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