A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I supernannyed him into submission
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
