So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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