Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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