the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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