i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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