i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
