I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
