Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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