4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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