I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
