Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
