Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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