Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
