wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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