I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
