i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
