no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize