my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
