You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
