Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
