Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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