its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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