she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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