Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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