Sponge bath it is.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You are the jesus of drinking
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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