Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
