Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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