Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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