we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
