just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
