it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
