Got a toothbrush?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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