ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
