everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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