thus making me awesome and them whores
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
