I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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