I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
