I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
